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BDSM is about "play". Taken In Hand is about life - real life.
Taken In Hand requires a depth of love - or at least a depth of relationship - in which one is willing to take risk and willing to suffer concequences of that risk.
She who is taken hopes that the line will not be crossed but is willing to accept that it might be crossed.
He who takes hopes not to cross the line and hopes that if he does, he will be forgiven.
Taken In Hand includes a recognition of humanity that seems to escape BDSMers.
by Carlfbyanothername on 2005 Apr 19 - 20:47 | reply to this comment
a harsh critique
My only knowledge of BDSM comes from reading and some very mild play with my husband, but I find Carlf's evaluation of BDSM unduly harsh. Most BDSM practices aren't for me, but many of the accounts I've read make it clear that there often is a lot of warmth, spontaneity and deep feeling between the respective partners.
The notion that authority is only 'real' if the person in charge has no rules governing his behaviour strikes me as very odd. In most other hierarchal relationships - parent/child, employer/employee - there is a system in place to insure that the commanding party doesn't abuse his position; this doesn't mean that the authority that they do wield isn't real. Many Taken In Hand couples do make use of paraphernalia borrowed from the BDSM world, such as safewords, and they shouldn't have to face charges of inauthenticity because of that.
by amba_k on 2005 Apr 20 - 01:54 | reply to this comment
BDSM & Fantasy are Connecting Too
I think you are romanticizing your lifestyle choice to the point where you reject others. Unless you are inside the mind of someone doing an S & M scene or a roleplay spanking you can't know how real it is to them or what emotions, love and trust are engaged.
